Suicidal Weakness (Video)

I was listening to Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly a lot lately, and the song really stuck out to me. I didn’t fully appreciate the album when it first came out, but, now it is my second favorite album just under Good Kid,  M.A.A.D City.

The second half of really stuck with me. It was really visceral, dark, and catches you off guard. The ending line, “The world’ll know money can’t stop a suicidal weakness,” is haunting in its honest bluntness.

Anyone who has struggled with depression or suicidal thoughts knows that riches, fame, or any external pleasure won’t fix it. It is an internal struggle that you have to face alone, which is why it is so difficult and isolating.

I wanted the video to capture the (for a lack of a better word) black and white thinking that someone has when you enter this state. People tend to focus on past regrets or future worries and that bogs them down even further in the muck.

The most haunting part of that half of the song is the familiarity of the tone and language being used. A lot of people have negative “self talk” and I imagine it sounds similar to the song.

It is somewhat cathartic to share these kinds of stories with others because it lets us know we are not alone in our struggle and we are not truly alone.

Kaufman Kounselling

Charlie Kaufman is my favorite screenwriter and his lecture at BAFTA is something I like to listen to periodically. I think applies to artists of any medium and contains some of the most potent universal truths about life in general. I highly recommend listening to it.

What did you think of the lecture? Let me know in the comments and stay connected with me on social media!

Slide Whistle Wellness

How To Play the Slide Whistle,  is my most viewed video that I have ever made. It was released on January 3rd, 2011 when I was 11 years old. At that time I lived in Jackson and had a lot free time (obviously).

I was homeschooled at the point, and I was just learning to grapple with my nemesis, Boredom,  I made videos every day back then. They were unpolished, barely edited, and very strange.

Despite the lack of quality of the videos, they were well received by the small few who watched them. If I didn’t make all those videos, then I wouldn’t have learned the basic skills that I rely on everyday.

As a child, I would draw, write,  make videos, sing songs, and do whatever creative thing I wanted to do despite not knowing anything about those mediums. It just felt good to express myself.

Fast forward 8 years later, and I still like to be creative, but with some reluctance. I am now concerned with budgets, schedules, and equipment. I hunger for day when I can make something everyday once again, but at a “respectable quality.” Looking back, I am envious of that child’s “blissful ignorance.”

But, in reality, it is the adult who is truly ignorant. Films are not made by budgets and equipment, they are made by people. Schedules can always be altered to make time . for anything. These things are just excuses being used to cover up the true problem. The adult is afraid of rejection.

The child wasn’t dumped by his girlfriend, denied selection in this or that film festival, or not hired by this or that employer. The child still has the fire in him, but somewhere along the line, the adult had his flame smothered.

The reality hasn’t changed though. I could film anytime I want with my DSLR. No one is stopping me, but me. That may sound perilous, but by the same token I had hold the power to change.

In the end, we’re all fearful, but what makes us brave is acting in spite of that fear.

Below, I have compiled some of my favorite videos from, “The EMagnusTV Era.” I hope you enjoy their ridiculousness.