My Brother

*I’m digging through old writing and I have found some stuff that I think might be worth posting.  This was written sometime in 2015.*

This is not an easy topic for me to write about. I don’t want this to be a catalog of perceived wrongs or just the good things about my relationship with my brother. I want to give a fair portrait of my relationship with my brother.

I have an older brother. His name is John. John has Asperger’s Syndrome and epilepsy. He is adopted. John is six foot nine inches tall. He is the most gentle person with animals I have ever met. John is also the crassest person I have ever met. Our relationship is… complicated.

John is different than most older brothers. He is nineteen, but his sensibilities are that of a thirteen year old. John can’t be left alone. He could seize and really hurt himself. John is socially awkward and doesn’t always get social cues. He doesn’t know how to tell if someone is disinterested when he is telling a story, if someone got his joke, but doesn’t think it is funny. and other things like that. John has no filter. What a normal person knows not to say to their grandmother, John says on a regular basis.

I used to resent my brother. My parents would always make a big deal over his, in my childish perspective, tiny accomplishments. He would color in the lines once and there would be a celebration. I would always color in the lines and not even get a pat on the back. John couldn’t ride a bike, but he was congratulated for trying. I could ride a bike with no problem, but no one cared. I understand now why my parents did this, but at the time I did not. It was a massive injustice in my mind and it was all John’s fault.

When I was born my brother was unhappy. He pitched a fit, actually. He was jealous that his mother was holding a new baby. This wasn’t exactly unusual behavior from an infant, but this behavior continued all the way into adulthood. My brother was always jealous of me. Who could blame him? I could do things that he couldn’t. Things that he struggled with, I did with ease.

On my birthdays (in early childhood), my parents would often get my brother a gift too so he wouldn’t complain. John hated when I was the center of attention. He would pitch a fit and complain to the point where I was miserable.

When I got my learner’s permit my brother was extremely jealous. Because of his epilepsy he couldn’t drive even though he was older than me. He wouldn’t go anywhere with me (when I was driving) without criticizing any little mistake I made.

When I entered into a relationship with a girl from his horse riding classes, he was, once again, jealous. He called her “The Foul Blue-haired Temptress” and me “The Love Leech.” Luckily, she took this all in stride and laughed about it. This time he was concerned about losing me which was kind of nice. It showed that he cared in his own weird way.

In later years, our relationship has improved. I used to ask ‘What is wrong with John?’, but now I know there is nothing wrong with John. He is just different. I understand John now. I don’t expect him to be like everyone else’s older brother. I love my brother. I wouldn’t want to have any replacement. He is special to me. He may be crass, rude, and just plain mean sometimes, but so am I. I would do anything for my brother. When I look to the future, I know that I will have to take care of John and that’s okay. I wouldn’t want my brother to be left all alone without anyone to look after him. They say you can’t choose your family, but I think you do. You choose who you keep in contact with, who you associate with, and who you trust. I choose John. He is compassionate, funny, and his heart is in the right place. Despite our past, I value my relationship with my brother even though it isn’t conventional.

Joel Sartore: My Favorite Photographer

Joel Sartore, is an award-winning photographer, author, and contributor to National Geographic. His images have a certain charming quality to them that I feel captures the essence of his subjects. This is best represented in his on-going project the Photo Ark.

The Photo Ark project is magical. Here is how Joel describes it on the website:

he Photo Ark started back in 2005, when my wife, Kathy, was diagnosed with breast cancer. My career as a National Geographic photographer came to an abrupt halt as I stayed home to tend to her and our three children.

It’s been more than 10 years, and Kathy is fine now, but that year at home gave me a new perspective on the shortness and fragility of life. I was 42 at the time, and as Kathy recovered, one question continued to haunt me: How can I get people to care that we could lose half of all species by the turn of the next century?

Perhaps a series of portraits, made as simply and cleanly as possible, would give us all a chance to look animals directly in the eye and see that there’s beauty, grace, and intelligence in the other creatures we share the planet with. Black and white backgrounds level the playing field, making a mouse every bit as grand as an elephant. In these portraits, they are equals.

All species are vitally important to our very survival; we need bees and even flies to pollinate the fruits and vegetables we eat. We need intact rain forest to regulate the amount of rainfall we get in areas where we grow crops. But beyond what’s in it for us, I believe that each species has a basic right to exist.

There are about 12,000 animal species in human care around the world. So far, I’ve made portraits of more than 6,500, and we’ll keep going until we get them all. It’ll take another 15 years or so. The goal is to show the world what biodiversity actually looks like and get everyone to care about saving species while there’s still time.

I hope you agree that the future of life on Earth is something that deserves our full attention. If so, please tell your friends that you care about all creatures, great and small. Share the photos. Help us celebrate. Join others devoted to saving species and habitats. We all can make a difference.





Every frame gives us a glimpse into the beauty of the world we live in. The only way to inspire people to care about nature is to show it to them. The world is such a wonderful mess of creatures big and small.

Everyone should check out Joel’s website and support the work he is doing. Work like this does not get enough support or praise.

<p><a href=”″>An endnangered snow leopard (Panthera uncia) at the Miller Park Zoo.</a> from <a href=””>Joel Sartore</a> on <a href=””>Vimeo</a>.</p>

GO WATCH: Xavier: Renegade Angel

Describing, Xavier: Renegade Angel, is a little difficult. The Adult Swim show had two seasons from 2007-2009 before it was canceled, but honestly it amazing that this was a series at all.

The series follows, Xavier, the “wise”, “mystic” that drifts from place to place “helping” people.

The show is delightfully bizarre. The animation is half-assed, but in a oddly charming way. It has the  highest PPM (Puns Per Minute) ratio of any type of media I have ever seen.

It is kinda hard to explain, but it is a wonderful show. Trust me!

First episode:

Ethan’s Favorite Music Videos

Music videos have a bad reputation. I will agree that the majority of them are bad, but there are some that rise above.

Here are my favorite music videos in no particular order:

Kendrick Lamar- ELEMENT

I really love the vision of this video. It is so clear and well executed. The cinematography is beautiful and conveys a wide breadth of emotion.

Modest Mouse- King Rat

The animation in this video is so quirky and weird. It fits the tone of the song perfectly.

Transit- I’m So Indie

The video (and the song) is really funny especially if you’re a closeted hipster.

The Verve- Bittersweet Symphony

A simple idea executed perfectly!

Nirvana- Smells Like Teen Spirit

A little time capsule of 90’s grunge.

J. Cole- False Prophets

I think this video encapsulates Cole and his music perfectly.

Tool- Sober

This stop motion video conveys the tone of the song with very interesting and creative visuals.

The Shins- Simple Song

Tells an engaging story.

The Talking Heads- Once in a Lifetime

Abstract weirdness.

Devo- Beautiful World

Dark humor!

Wall Of Voodoo- Mexican Radio

I don’t even know.

Beastie Boys- Intergalactic

Giant. Robots.

Eminem- Stan

It hits you like a freight train. No sugar coating.

Johnny Cash- Hurt

A little package of despair and regret.


The feeling of an existential crisis.

Imagine Dragons- Radioactive

The video is infinitely better than the song, also puppets.

Gorrilaz- Clint Eastwood

Wacky Gorillazness.

Weezer- Island In The Sun


Peter Bjorn and John- Young Folks

It’s all about conveying tone people.

Rhythms del Mundo ft. Arctic Monkeys- Dancing Shoes

Yo balio mucho.

Katy Perry- Last Friday Night (TGIF)

A guilty pleasure.

Taylor Swift- Shake It Off

A self aware time capsule of 2014.

Gwen Stefani- Hollaback Girl

“Super kawaii.”

Weird Al- Amish Paradise

Pretty self explanatory.

The Lonely Island- Jack Sparrow

I like movies.

Bo Burnham- Repeat Stuff

Brilliant satire.

Soundgarden- Black Hole Sun

Bloodhound Gang- Fire Water Burn

Funny premise executed well.

Wheatus- Teenage Dirtbag

Warms my withered heart.


What are your favorite music videos?




Rated E For Edgy

YouTube has been “cleaning” up the site for advertisers. If content is deemed as offensive it can be demonetized, locked as private, or even get you banned from the site. A lot of content creators, but especially politically conservative and independent channels have been effected.

I didn’t think I would be affected because I don’t make political content and I am a tiny channel.


I was wrong! A video that I had posted on my main channel about being afraid of Tumblr was deemed too EXTREME for advertisers.

NOTE: This video was private for a like month because I was transitioning the main channel to more serious content. I did upload it to CutesyDoodle.

The video in question:

The joke is that this guy has an unpopular opinion, but is so afraid of the backlash he goes into hiding. That’s it. What I am saying doesn’t matter. I could say, “Kitty face” repeatedly and it would have the same effect.

The unpopular opinion was that we should judge a movie by its own merits, not by who made it. I know this is really fringe stuff, but I digress.

I do find it amusing that Google would go out of there way to bother a video with 35 views. They truly are the people’s champion.


Go watch Synecdoche, New York!

This is a public service announcement.

Everyone that is  reading this, go see Synecdoche, New York, as soon as you possibly can. It is my new favorite film and touched me greatly.

The film was the directorial debut of Charlie Kaufman. I love every Kaufman written film I have seen, but this one is definitely the best. I put off seeing this film because it cost $2.99 on Amazon to rent, which keeps in line with the themes of the film. I would have given much more to see this film had I known just how great it was.

I would not call this film abstract, I would call it subtle. I can’t tell you what the film is about, but I can tell you what I interpreted from it.

Synecdoche, is in large part about death, how death affects things, and how people deal with it.

“Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won’t know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it’s what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn’t really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I’ve felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I’ve been pretending I’m OK, just to get along, just for, I don’t know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.”

The main point is that we spend our lives waiting, hoping for something to make it better when we could have made it better ourselves all along. It is tragic, but has an underlying feeling of hope. You can change right now. Nothing can stop you.

That is what I got out of it, but no interpretation is wrong. This is definitely a must-watch.

Focal Lengths Used by Famous Directors

I found this great video about the favorite lenses of famous directors. I find this subject very fascinating because by knowing a director’s lens choice, you can a peek into how they view the world.

This video is on Wolfcrow’s awesome YouTube channel, he has other great videos as well, so SUBSCRIBE to him if you like the video.

Kaufman Kounselling

Charlie Kaufman is my favorite screenwriter and his lecture at BAFTA is something I like to listen to periodically. I think applies to artists of any medium and contains some of the most potent universal truths about life in general. I highly recommend listening to it.

What did you think of the lecture? Let me know in the comments and stay connected with me on social media!

Slide Whistle Wellness

How To Play the Slide Whistle,  is my most viewed video that I have ever made. It was released on January 3rd, 2011 when I was 11 years old. At that time I lived in Jackson and had a lot free time (obviously).

I was homeschooled at the point, and I was just learning to grapple with my nemesis, Boredom,  I made videos every day back then. They were unpolished, barely edited, and very strange.

Despite the lack of quality of the videos, they were well received by the small few who watched them. If I didn’t make all those videos, then I wouldn’t have learned the basic skills that I rely on everyday.

As a child, I would draw, write,  make videos, sing songs, and do whatever creative thing I wanted to do despite not knowing anything about those mediums. It just felt good to express myself.

Fast forward 8 years later, and I still like to be creative, but with some reluctance. I am now concerned with budgets, schedules, and equipment. I hunger for day when I can make something everyday once again, but at a “respectable quality.” Looking back, I am envious of that child’s “blissful ignorance.”

But, in reality, it is the adult who is truly ignorant. Films are not made by budgets and equipment, they are made by people. Schedules can always be altered to make time . for anything. These things are just excuses being used to cover up the true problem. The adult is afraid of rejection.

The child wasn’t dumped by his girlfriend, denied selection in this or that film festival, or not hired by this or that employer. The child still has the fire in him, but somewhere along the line, the adult had his flame smothered.

The reality hasn’t changed though. I could film anytime I want with my DSLR. No one is stopping me, but me. That may sound perilous, but by the same token I had hold the power to change.

In the end, we’re all fearful, but what makes us brave is acting in spite of that fear.

Below, I have compiled some of my favorite videos from, “The EMagnusTV Era.” I hope you enjoy their ridiculousness.